How Tumultuous the course of fate is, how cruel its eddies and tides! So much has occurred of late, it has taken time to collect my thoughts and feelings enough to record them. That is not the only reason for the gap in my tale – I have been recovering from a wound I was prepared to die from. But, I am speaking nonsense – without explanation my story would be the ramblings of one driven insane. Lately, though, I have felt parts of my consciousness straining to leave me. No matter! I must continue.
After the horrible events at the market I returned to the ship, intending to remain there until we’d left Mandragar. My brother left, satisfied with my assurances I would not venture out, possible to gamble. Sometimes I feel that he considers it his only function to ensure I do not endanger myself. I cannot hope to disengage him from generations of subjugation, but at times his dogged concern is trying. I was just about finished making a wallet for my rainbow gems when Kaos burst into my quarters, her face a carnival of distress. There were pirates on the station, vicious and determined, and they were looking for a Hapan female. Looking for me.
I am no fool, I know that three rainbow gems are hardly a matter to hire pirates for. The mineral veins that nurture them to not bear fruit often, but they do eventually. The kingdom is rich, and I know I did not take so much that it will me notices overmuch. No, apparently Mazikeen desires me still, and is taking measures to have my soul. Terrified, I ran to the engine room, seeking refuge. The Tinnen mechanic suggested the ducting, but obviously he was thinking of someone his own size. There was no possibility I would fit. Seeing this, he threw another suggestion over his furred shoulder – the escape pods. Not knowing what else to do, I locked myself inside the nearest one. There began a period of waiting which was almost worse than the horrible events that followed. Alone with my thoughts, only able to see the stars outside my little pod, I fretted. My complacency once escaping the cluster was not without reason. I had not thought that anyone would attempt to follow me or regain my person by other means simply because no one had every done so. Thousands of years passed, and anyone who left the Cluster was an exile, never to be heard from, never to be sought. I thought it would be the same for me, but that was idle fantasy. I considered for a moment, desperate to believe that it was the gems they were after. No; no one would break generations of tradition for a mere three gems. The same cycle of thoughts ran their circles in my mind for a thousand eternities, and were suddenly stopped when the ship lurched into motion. We were escaping? Where was my brother? Had he made it back from the gambling parlor? I thought of checking, but my fear was still too great and I cowered, wishing we were safe in hyperspace. I later remembered my wish, finding it vastly ironic. “Safe in hyperspace” – most amusing.
Through the tiny pod window there was very little to see, but every so often an ugly patched-together fighter would speed across my vision. We were being pursued. I do not know exactly how much time passed then, but it was certainly not enough time for the sluggish freighter to escape the planet’s gravity well. That was the last thought I remember before I say the stars stretch into hyperspace. No time to strap in, no time to even brace myself – I flew head-first towards the ceiling. There was a sick crunching noise, and darkness crashed painfully over my vision.
I have thought long on how to record what happened after that. I found myself in darkness, unable to see or hear, floating in a void. I was dying, that was certain – I could fee my death coming upon me, chasing my life force inexorably away. What I felt then is difficult to put words to – I was frightened, yes, but my fear was far away. As though it belonged to the part of me I was leaving behind. I tried to hold n to my fear, I did not want to die. That is when the voice came.
It was sweet, beckoning, even comforting. I did not have to die, it said, I could be saved. Confused, I asked how – my body no doubt was damaged beyond repair. Why else had I been brought to this empty place? The voice said it would save me, there was no harm it could not undo. All I had to do was let it join with me, and all would be well. There was a presence closing on me, looming and eager. The voice spoke again, soothing me, urging me to give in. But there was something behind it that frightened me even more than my encroaching doom – a desperate greediness, a sense of rotting. I could not give in, I closed what was left of my mind as tightly as I could. If I was to die now, so be it, I would not be the ward of a ghoulish spirit. I relaxed, giving myself over to the Force – perhaps there would be peace where I was going. As I slopped away, I thought perhaps I felt a howl of defeat shake me.
But it was not time for me, I suppose, because the next thing before my sight was the face of our sometimes-medic, the Lorrdian Kaos. She looked just as shocked as I that I was alive, apparently they did not have hope for me. The pain came rushing over me a second later, making me wish I had died after all. I was badly hurt, Kaos said, and bleeding internally. She told me not to move – which was fine, as I was so mad with pain that movement was beyond me. Somehow they got my broken form back to my quarters, where Kaos shot me full of some drug from the med kit. Whatever it was, it was a blessed numbness; the food of the gods would not have been more welcome. The pain was gone, and all I could do was sleep.
I am still weak as I write this, it will be some time before I am whole again. During my recovery, I have had ample time to reflect. The presence who beckoned to me in my delirium was surely the Blight Queen, of that I was certain. That she could extend her consciousness so far outside the Cluster makes me recoil in terror whenever I think of it. Perhaps there is no escape for me, other than death. The gang after us are the Blood Claw pirates, a vicious and notorious group. Whoever is seeking me and my brother has spared no expense. It is a troubling reality.
I have thought about it, and there may come a time soon where I am on my own, either because my companions have been killed or that they have abandoned me as too high a risk. Aware of this, I resolved not to waste my time of convalescence. I have been reading everything I can find on the running and maintaining of a starship. My mechanical skills are limited, centered mostly around slicing, but I find I am improving. And there is one thing to comfort me; even if I am alone, if I am overtaken, there is a final escape from the dark power I flee. That is death, and I do not think based on my recent experience that it is so bad as everyone believes.
